I'm going to stop drinking. How many times have I said,
thought, written those five words? Too
damn many. Why this time do I mean it? I have to.
I. HAVE. TO. I! HAVE! TO! Why now?
I don’t know, call it serendipity, call it divine intervention, or call
it all the planets aligning for little ol’ me.
I’d been thinking about quitting drinking (again) in the last few
weeks.
Tuesday morning I was sitting in the waiting room of the dentist office. Picked up THAT issue of Good Housekeeping (December 2013) and there she was: Amy. On page 69. Looking back at me from that picture of her and her family, the page title screaming: “How I Finally Stopped Drinking and Earned Back My Family’s Trust”. Well dang! I want that too. Maybe if she did it so can I. I quickly jotted down Amy’s name, her blog title “Soberbia”, the blog title of the one that really hit home for her “Tired of Thinking About Drinking” (by Belle) and quickly skimmed the article. Holy Shit! She sounds just like me! Drinking away the evening and slogging through home life every night. The hygienist called my name. I slipped the magazine back in the rack and went in for my cleaning. Did I mention I drank the night before? “It’s ok,” I thought, “They’ll be wearing masks. They can’t smell the bottle of wine I consumed the night before.” Poor them. Stupid, selfish me.
Fast forward to Tuesday evening. Husband's co-worker was fired that morning. “I’ll just throw a few beers in the fridge so he can relax, we’ll share a drink, and he can tell me about it,” I thought. Well...suddenly it's1:15am. Husband walks out of our bedroom into the living room where I was “sleeping” in my chair after drinking 8 of the 9 cans I had tossed in the fridge. I crawled into bed beside him, making sure I was on my side with my horrid breath directed away from him. “Why do I do this? Why can’t I stop?” I lay there thinking, (again) hating myself, (again) promising to not drink again, (again).
On Wednesday I decided to look up Amy’s blog, Belle’s blog, and any that they perhaps might suggest or link to. I was completely sucked in. The last time I quit for a couple of weeks I never really found this kind of inspiration. These people who really, truly spoke to me. “Wow! Amy’s been sober for a little over a year and she and I are practically the same type of drinker!” Tell me more, tell me more! I started reading her blog from the first day she started writing, December 2012. I read it all, absorbed it all. Spent my lunch hour and evening (right up until 11:15pm) reading about Amy's journey. Reading some of the blogs she follows. I CAN do this! I MUST do this! I NEED to do this!
Thanks for being there Blog World. I think you just saved my life. (Happy Birthday Paul.)
Tuesday morning I was sitting in the waiting room of the dentist office. Picked up THAT issue of Good Housekeeping (December 2013) and there she was: Amy. On page 69. Looking back at me from that picture of her and her family, the page title screaming: “How I Finally Stopped Drinking and Earned Back My Family’s Trust”. Well dang! I want that too. Maybe if she did it so can I. I quickly jotted down Amy’s name, her blog title “Soberbia”, the blog title of the one that really hit home for her “Tired of Thinking About Drinking” (by Belle) and quickly skimmed the article. Holy Shit! She sounds just like me! Drinking away the evening and slogging through home life every night. The hygienist called my name. I slipped the magazine back in the rack and went in for my cleaning. Did I mention I drank the night before? “It’s ok,” I thought, “They’ll be wearing masks. They can’t smell the bottle of wine I consumed the night before.” Poor them. Stupid, selfish me.
Fast forward to Tuesday evening. Husband's co-worker was fired that morning. “I’ll just throw a few beers in the fridge so he can relax, we’ll share a drink, and he can tell me about it,” I thought. Well...suddenly it's1:15am. Husband walks out of our bedroom into the living room where I was “sleeping” in my chair after drinking 8 of the 9 cans I had tossed in the fridge. I crawled into bed beside him, making sure I was on my side with my horrid breath directed away from him. “Why do I do this? Why can’t I stop?” I lay there thinking, (again) hating myself, (again) promising to not drink again, (again).
On Wednesday I decided to look up Amy’s blog, Belle’s blog, and any that they perhaps might suggest or link to. I was completely sucked in. The last time I quit for a couple of weeks I never really found this kind of inspiration. These people who really, truly spoke to me. “Wow! Amy’s been sober for a little over a year and she and I are practically the same type of drinker!” Tell me more, tell me more! I started reading her blog from the first day she started writing, December 2012. I read it all, absorbed it all. Spent my lunch hour and evening (right up until 11:15pm) reading about Amy's journey. Reading some of the blogs she follows. I CAN do this! I MUST do this! I NEED to do this!
Thanks for being there Blog World. I think you just saved my life. (Happy Birthday Paul.)
