Today is very cloudy, damp and grey. Luckily the outside doesn't match my insides. It's Friday with a week of accomplishments both at work and home under my belt. Day 24 and all is well.
Tomorrow evening we are having friends over for dinner and to watch college basketball. These will be our "drinking" friends and this will be the first time I will be "coming out" to someone other than my husband. I'm not worried that I will relapse. I'm not worried they will stop being my friends because I'm going sober. I'm not really worried about anything, just thinking about it makes me feel a bit nervous.
You see, I haven't told anyone "real" except my husband. I've been very open here in blog world and at Booze Free Brigade but not in face-to-face "real" life. I had been sober for 11 days when I told my husband and that was because I had to. We were out of town and he asked if we should pick up some beer or wine for the get-together later that night at the hotel. I told him to get what he wanted because I wasn't going to drink for a while. "How long," he asked. "I'm not sure," I replied (I knew then that it NEEDS to be forever), "but I brought some seltzer for the get-together." "So I shouldn't stop for wine?" "No, no thank you. I'm fine. But please get whatever you want." He bought some beer but didn't end up having any. It's still a full 12 pack and it's in the closet at home. If I was still drinking that bad boy would have been long gone by now.
I haven't told my kids either. But of course they've heard that fairy tale before. Our oldest daughter and her husband are coming for a visit next month. The last time I quit I drank when I went to visit them. At their wedding four months ago I was drinking, although I did behave myself, not wanting to be the sloppy drunk mother of the bride. It was probably the only time in my drinking life that moderation worked. This time when we get together Mommy will not fold/cave/jump off the wagon. I hope they will respect my decision. I hope she will be proud.
Your kids will be very proud of you. My son thinks it's awesome that I quit and he thinks he may do a 100 day challenge, he 's more than just a normie, rarely has a beer. Congrats on your journey. Glad I found your blog. Stay in touch.
ReplyDeleteSharon
Thank you for your comment Sharon! ;-) I hope my kids will sing that song from Mr. Rogers Neighborhood...Proud of you, I'm proud of you...
DeleteHey there, recognise those feelings you describe in this post - I've felt them too! Not told anyone "real" yet, just side-stepped the issue. Your kids are the important ones - and I'm sure your kids will be proud. What other people think doesn't matter (if I keep telling myself that, I may believe it ;) ). And people here online, we understand what it means to you - and we're proud of you. MTM. x
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